Breaking LOVE LAWS...

Hello there! I’m back with another article on Love. I don’t know what’s wrong with me…always writing about Love :D. I promise, next time I’ll write about something else. :P

The recent reading of the novel, The God of Small Things by the Indian writer, Arundhati Roy reminded me of ‘Love Laws’. “Actually, what are these ‘Love Laws’?” was the initial question that came to my mind when I first encountered the term while reading the text.  And then in the following line, my question was answered by the author. She defines ‘Love Laws’ as “the laws that lay down who should be loved. And how. And how much”. (Roy, 1997, p.33) In academic language, it would be referred to as endogamy or in simple words, the socio-cultural constraints which condition love and marriage in a society. As the story is centered round a fictional village called ‘Ayemenam’ in Kerala in India, I noted that the cultural practices related to love and marriage described in this novel are quiet similar to our Sri Lankan cultural norms.

Let me give you an example of how Love Laws prevail in our Sri Lankan society. Just look at marriage proposals published in a newspaper. The majority begins with caste and creed. Caste-Class-Religion-Profession-Height-Age (and even the Province/District matters for some :D.) are the prominent ‘qualifications’ for a marriage in our society. Hahaha…Isn’t it hilarious? We boast about the glory of the advancement in every field, in the twenty first century but when it comes to marriage, our elder generations are still in the pre-historic era. They eat Chinese rolls and French fries. They wear trousers and Indian saris. But when their child wants to marry a foreigner, they start noticing the skin colour, language, religion, country and all. Where are the cultural markers in those food and clothes and in other living styles? All the forgotten cultural markers are remembered in times of marriage. This reminded me of my cousins in Australia. Yes, they understand Sinhala though they speak in English. They are Sri Lankan born children with dual citizenship. All true. But, does that mean they ‘should’ marry a Sri Lankan? What’s the logic in that? It always annoys me when my mum talks about their marriages. I always try to make her understand that “people don’t marry countries or religions”. But our argument never ends. It goes on and on whenever the topic comes up :P.

It struck me hard when my lecturer told “people don’t marry professions” while discussing this novel in the class. Doctors-Engineers are considered to be “the supreme professions” in our society. But, what’s the point in marrying a doctor or an engineer who doesn’t have enough time to be with you? Or who won’t understand you and your wishes? Now, my dear reader, this isn’t an anti-doctor or anti-engineer article criticizing them. This is just an example of how our elders idealize and idolize ‘professions’ but not ‘people’ in marriage. True, that there are parents who think of their children’s happiness by ignoring “Love Laws”. Yet, there’s always a clash between the two generations especially when it’s about love and marriage. After I was enlightened by my lecturer’s precious statement, I created my own motto, “People don’t marry Professions but People”. Hope it’ll be helpful for the love birds as well as for their elders who are reading this article. 

 So, at the end of the class, my friend sitting beside me whispered in my ear, “I hate Love Laws.” And then I whispered back, “I hate the people who made Love Laws” with a sighing smile. I’d like to know your ideas about Love Laws. Perhaps, you too were/are or could be a victim of these Love Laws knowingly or unknowingly. I’ll give you a piece of advice at the end of the day; DO NOT let anybody (be it your parents, friends, relatives, or your life partner) to manipulate you in the name of culture for you are NOT an object but a human being! And, most importantly, it’s time to say NO to endogamy! So, let’s break Love Laws!

References

Roy,A. (1997) The God of Small Things, New Delhi: Penguin Publishers